The Terrible Twos

We have had a couple fun-filled weekend the last couple of weeks. So much so, its been a bit hard for me to find some computer time...hence I am dreadfully behind in posting. But, I do hope to remedy the situation over the next few days.

I think one of the reasons we have had so much fun in the last two weeks is that we were coming off a particularly challenging time with our growing toddler. All in all, I have to admit the 'terrible twos' haven't been all that terrible. But boy, there are some days that take the cake. For Elliott, a 'terrible twos freakout' mostly consists of a switch being flipped in a perfectly happy little boy who is all of a sudden screaming at the top of his lungs...and down right mad. Depending on the setting, he ends up getting so upset it spirals into sobs and lots of crying or, and I'll be honest here, turns a bit violent (he has been known to throw what he has in his hand on occasion).

Quite often these take us by complete surprise and we are left looking at each other wondering what the heck just happened. So, like most things, we've been trying to figure it out. I'm not one for reading parenting books. I just don't have time to sift through 20 books on the same subject, all coming from completely different angles and all contradicting each other. I much prefer the little snippets babycenter.com provides, my own gut and brain, and discussions with Brad. What we've noticed is that the freakouts seem to relate to two primary realms: communication and socialization.

I think at this age, or at least where Elliott is with his language development since I know some kids are beyond this point by now, language is still new. The idea of using words to convey specific and direct messages is becoming second nature, but it seems like sometimes the wires get crossed a bit. There are times it seems as if Elliott almost forgets that he is apart of the communication give and take. He knows what he wants or what he is trying to accomplish, but he doesn't say anything, then gets upset with us when we don't do our part.

There are also those times when he just gets stuck. At this point in time, Elliott only says words that convey meaning. He no longer uses those sentence like structures of sounds that don't really mean anything, but have conversational intonations. Everything out of his mouth has a meaning, even if it's his own made up word (there are only a couple of these left like 'neahr' for 'more' and 'anoynoy' for 'another one' - even 'hawk' for 'light' has actually become 'light'). BUT, that doesn't always mean we understand what he is saying. Sometimes his pronunciation is off and sometimes he just says the wrong word. And can I tell you? There have been very few things as heartbreaking to me as looking into that little face, who keeps repeating the same word over and over with obvious intent, interest and expectation, and I have no idea what he's talking about. Especially when you also know, as soon as he realizes what the problem is, that he is going to get very frustrated and upset. Kills me every time. We try to fake it as much as possible, but there are times when he's on to us and it has set off a major meltdown.

This brings me to the other catalyst of the freakout: socialization. I'm using this word loosely because I've clearly forgot all my 'psych' lingo, but what I'm specifically referring to is the process of learning the rules of society whether that be how to behave in our greater community or within our own home. There are times when what Elliott wants to do, is simply unreasonable. It is never going to be okay. Whether this is because of a safety issue (its never okay for him to use his tricycle as a stepping stool to wash his hands), preservation of personal property (it is never okay for him to stack up our CDs and stand on them), or public behavior (it is never okay to remove the pricing signs from the shelves at the grocery store - ahem, hello yesterday's freakout).

Correcting these behaviors doesn't always cause a meltdown, but when the stars are in alignment, sometimes it does. You can tell it just doesn't seem right to him that what he is trying to do is a problem. In fact, that is what I think the problem is - he just doesn't get it sometimes. "Why can't I plug the electrical cord into the outlet? You let me plug RCA cables into the old VCR. How is this different?" Brad and I try to explain to him the differences, but at this age, sometimes he just doesn't want to hear it. Thank goodness distraction is still a good way to interrupt the freakout from become a full-fledged meltdown.

So while we are waiting out the rest of the 'terrible twos', we are doing our best to stay consistent on the things that really matter, support him when he's frustrated with his limitations and distract, distract, distract ;)